Pippin's 'Heroic' Achievement
by dark energy
Summary: Pippin kind of helps everyone...as usual!


Pippin's Heroic Achievement  
  
(As told by Pippin)  
  
I was recently coming from flooding a house while trying to enjoy a bath.  
  
You'd think elves would have bathtubs big enough for hobbits, but nooooooo! For  
  
some reason, everyone was mad at me. I think that's because I got them kicked out,  
  
even though it really wasn't me! Honest! Merry blamed it on me!  
  
At any rate, we were moving on further. I saw this really pretty flower- right  
  
in the middle of a lava flow, imagine that! As I tried to pluck it, the lava suddenly  
  
cracked! Uh-oh, I thought, this time Frodo's really going to be angry! Not that I  
  
cared, because after the flood disaster he avoided me, as though I might accidentally  
  
hurt him or something. You know, it seems like all along that path I had some  
  
mastery over creating disasters. First, I accidentally blocked up that one volcano by  
  
spitting out some watermelon seeds, then I used the map to Moria as a napkin.and  
  
so on. This time, though, I'd cracked Middle Earth! Now, at last, I could see what  
  
was in Lower Earth, but it was very disappointing. I thought of calling Gimli or  
  
someone else, but then I sort of realized they might be angry about the big crack. I  
  
slipped on my foot and spun into the dark tunnel. I heard a loud crashing noise, and  
  
looked back to see rock caving in. All I did was bump my knee against the ceiling! I  
  
mean, honestly, why was I blamed for making a mess? At any rate, I finally landed-  
  
with a cruelly loud thump, I must add-on top of some long wooden staff that bent,  
  
broke, and exploded with a loud boom. Then the chamber I was in collapsed.  
  
Naturally I ran-straight into some sort of dragon's den. He said, "Hey, would you  
  
happen to know a certain burglar named Barrel-rider? Or maybe the men of  
  
Dale? At any rate, tell them Smaug sends them best wishes! Ha ha ha!"  
  
Smaug.where had I heard that name? Then I suddenly remembered: in one of  
  
Uncle Bilbo's old stories! But this guy was supposed to be dead..It seemed that I had  
  
reached the Lower Earth! Moving onward, I saw someone who looked like a king; he  
  
was holding a beautiful gem [the Arkenstone, which, as we all know, was left to  
  
Thorin in his grave]. Next, I ran down the long hallway that followed.  
  
Unfortunately, I kind of needed to use the toilet really bad. Running along, I finally  
  
found a restroom and went. Then I flushed.and the entire place sort of got sucked  
  
in. "??????" I thought. I think I bumped the little red button next to the flush. At any  
  
rate, I ended up outside this huge stone-gray tower. It looked old. After all I had  
  
seen, I wanted to make sure this was real. So I tapped the largest stone at the very  
  
corner of the tower. Then I kicked it a few times. At that moment, I saw this tall  
  
person approaching and thought, "Oh no, what if that's the owner?" He drew  
  
forward. At that moment, in my panic, I bumped into the stone. The ground itself  
  
began to rumble as the tower shook slightly. I remembered a time when I had gone  
  
out and chopped a tree down. Instinctively, I yelled "Timber!". I think the tower  
  
could stand no more, for it immediately collapsed onto the man. Later I found out  
  
that the wizard was the evil Sauron, and was so proud of myself for destroying that  
  
evil being.  
List of Damages Caused by Pippin:  
  
(as told by the Common Wizards' Society)  
  
1. Destroyed a certain elf-lord's house  
  
2. Destroyed elf-lord's trust in travelers  
  
3. Destroyed ancient volcano  
  
4. Destroyed valuable map  
  
5. Destroyed ground  
  
6. Destroyed entrance to Lower Earth  
  
7. Destroyed Lower Earth  
  
8. Destroyed magnificent tower  
  
9. Destroyed any chances of rooting out evil  
  
10. Destroyed valuable artifacts  
  
11. Destroyed Sauron's secrets  
  
List of Heroic Deeds by Pippin:  
  
(as told by the Appreciative Hobbits' Society, consisting of only one member. . .Pippin)  
  
1. Killed Sauron  
  
2. Wrecked evil tower 


End file.
